I'll be planning to race again starting in September, and that will be the true indicator of how I'm really doing. At first, I was willing to allow the fear of past hurts to dictate my future, and stick to my T,Th, Sa, Su routine forever. I figured I'm just getting older, and I need to be more structured in my running. But running and structure don't always go so well together. Not for a free spirit, anyway.
What's the point of running free, when it has to be confined? It is hard to live for today, or plan for tomorrow, while you so vividly remember your past hurts. It is so with running. It is so with life. We have all had hurt in our lives. Sometimes, the wounds are so deep, the scars can remain forever.
I am learning more every day that it doesn't have to be that way. What has happened in the past does not give reason to happen again in the future, but we too often expect the hurts to repeat over and over again. We often fulfill our own prophecies that way.
So this morning, I looked at my clock, and I had the time to run. I looked at my past hurts, and they were indeed in the past. Today nothing was hurting. I flexed my knee, and it felt good. I was ready to run. I looked at life, and it all looked good. The only direction I looked was ahead, and I liked what I saw. I looked at the calendar, and saw it was Monday. It was not a day to run, by old standards.
But I decided today, that I am no longer old, and it was okay for old standards to be a thing of the past. I got out of bed, I dressed for success, and went out and ran my route, on my terms. Nothing hurt. The things that used to are all in the past.
Today, I learned that past hurts cannot impact my future. If I want to run every day, I will. If I want to dance like nobody's watching, I will do that too. There will be future hurts, no doubt. I would be naive to think otherwise . But those past pains will no longer be an excuse for future behaviors.
Life, as I see it, is good.
[../../../../top/bottom.htm] Tuesday, May 20, 2008 04:33 PM