In those dark years before running, I was never very successful at sticking with anything I started. In fact, even with running, I started on many different occasions before I started and stayed with it. That was just always the nature of the beast that was me. Time and time again, I would commit to start something new, knowing full well that I would soon stop just as abruptly.
When I continued with my running beyond the typical dropout period, it surprised many people, but none as greatly as I surprised myself. Maybe I had something to prove to everyone who rolled their eyes and said I would never stay with it. More likely, I had something to prove to myself, and running was how I was going to do it. In this respect, running has changed me as a person. In running, for the first time, I stayed with something new for a long enough time that it eventually became a part of my lifestyle, and eventually reshaped who I was, both figuratively and literally. As a result of running, I no longer have the fear of failure, or the fear of success. Since then, I have started, and stayed with other interests as well, including writing, but running was the first success story.
But there are different levels to running, as I pointed out in the article Today, I Quit Running. It's one thing to start, and stay with running. It's an entirely different thing to start, and stay with a running plan. I have developed a new sense of urgency in my running. This pull has caused me to look at where I've been, and where I desire to be. In the process, I have clearly defined for myself the difference between running and training. Running is to know what I've accomplished only after I've done it. Training is having a plan of what I am going to do before I do it, and then doing it according to the plan. Graphing my runs before I do them is a totally different sport than graphing them after they're completed.
Because I have never been disciplined enough to really train, I have never succeeded in the marathon, by my own definition of success. I have completed nine of them, and have dipped barely below four hours a couple of times. But I know I have not run one anywhere near close to my full potential. My race times at all the shorter distances tell me so. I have never gone into a marathon fully prepared. I also know why this is the case. It's simply because I am a classic procrastinator, and I'm just about to run out of time once again. In a way, I'm probably writing this as a prod to myself. By sharing it with you, perhaps I am more likely to hold myself accountable.
The race is Kiawah Island. The date is December 9th. As of this writing, that leaves me with a little over 17 weeks to prepare. That seems like such a long time, but according to Hal Higdon, I've already missed the boat. And that's how it's always been. As the weeks wind down, I start looking for the next shortest program to follow, until I've run out of time. There is no such thing as a four week marathon training program, but if there was, I'd probably wait until I was down to three weeks before I realized I was too late.
I've had a month now to mentally prepare for the fact that I am about to attempt to train for a marathon. Just like way back, in those dark days before running, I have only failure in that effort up to this point. But past experiences are in the past, and the fear may very well be unsubstantiated. Most fears are, and you never know unless you try. And just like with running, I have many success stories since I overcame the fear, and finally succeeded with a lifestyle change.
The marathoner and the procrastinator. Today, they are meeting face to face. Only one will succeed.
Wish the marathoner luck.
Copyright Michael Selman