CIGNA 5K-names withheld to protect the innocent

Ever been to a running race and had to "run for your life"? After the race [names withheld to protect the innocent] and I set off on a leisurely warm-down in downtown Manchester, NH. ____ and I had run the race and ____ was joining us after watching runners finish. As it was a wicked humid and soupy evening, we all set off for the warm-down in our running shorts and no shirts - ______ looked the best in his purple super-short shorts.

Not even 200 yards into the warm-down we stopped at a crosswalk and waited for the cars to pass. A car-load of young hoodlum's drove by in a semi-pimped out Honda Civic when the driver yelled at us to "put some f**** clothes on"! Unfortunately for this young smart-mouth the traffic light ahead of him turned red and he had to come to a stop about 60 feet from where we stood smarting from his clever verbal assault.

As runners, we're all familiar with these types of comments from assorted vehicle-borne fat-asses, and retards so you can imagine our surprise when we realized that we had a unique opportunity to exact REVENGE! It was ____ who spoke first suggesting, "let's get them", and started moving towards our young assailant. Having been let off my leash by ______ remark I followed him, approaching the car from the left-rear, in the driver's blind-spot. _____, being the oldest and wisest of us, had the good sense to continue thru the cross-walk in the direction of our original warm-down route and leave us young-uns to the ensuing foolishness.

Still hopped-up on testosterone from the race, I passed _____ and made straight for the driver's side door, accelerating but keeping quite as to not raise the alarm of our intended mark. Upon reaching the car I gave the driver's door a good WHACK with a closed fist which I hoped would startle the driver who still had the window down and his arm hanging out. As my assault on the car was sure to cause some kind of reaction, _____ never did get to implement his own plan for revenge, which as it turns out, was probably a good thing. I sped around the front of the car, _____ passed behind the car, and we both took off thinking "we'd shown him that it does not pay to mess with skinny, pale and lanky runners".

Not 20 feet past the car I hear someone yelling behind us, "I'm gunna f*** you up, blah, blah, huff, huff, blah, blah.....". Oh crap! Sure enough, smart-mouth had some brawn to back-up his bluster and was running full-speed towards us in a whirl of flailing, over-sized hip-hop clothes. As soon as I'd smacked his car he jammed the car in park, threw open his door and started after us faster than his pea-sized brain realized that he'd abandoned his car-load of buddies - driverless, door open, engine running - in the middle of a busy downtown street. Fortunately, his friends were not so hot-headed, limiting our pursuers to an army of one.

Had Mr. Hip-Hop kept his big mouth shut, he'd surely caught one of us and pummeling would have ensued. As luck would have it, his quick tongue was like a shot of nitrous for ____ and I and we picked up speed accordingly. Looking over my shoulder I could see him within arms reach of ____ as they cut right towards the Verizon Arena. I continued at high speed towards the Valley Cemetery. As I approached the next intersection a driver pulled up and said, "that was awesome man"! I think it was a complement but he might just have been entertained by the whole episode. Looking back I could see ____ had escaped and our elder companion, head down as usual, was following a short ways behind. We all continued into the Valley Cemetery where we regrouped and continued our run while keeping a sharp eye out for a primer-colored Honda Civic full of pissed off urban twenty-something's.

It turns out that _____ plan was to jump on the hood of the car and perhaps moon the occupants - a plan more bold than mine but full of additional hazards. He might have actually damaged more than the driver's pride. The driver could have moved the car while _____ was on the hood, bare butt swinging in the breeze. Then there's the nudity factor which in light of the dozens of innocent bystanders might have cause the police to be called. As it turned out, the police were all busy controlling traffic and corralling 6000 runners to worry about "Craphead versus Runners" (opens this weekend in theaters - "CVR" just when you thought it was safe to run the streets).

So that's how things ended at the Cigna Corporate 5k race. It's also worth noting that we made off with food swag from the race. I got 5 or 6 cokes, 3 ice cream sandwiches, 2 Powerades and 2 bananas. ______ had more than I and ____ seemingly made off with cases of stuff - not bad for a guy who "watched" the race.

What about the race itself? Who cares....look it up yourself.